The beautiful thing about life is no matter how far are you fall, there is always the chance to get back up. For a few years now I have been one of the fallen and no matter how hard I tried I just could not seem to get my feet back on the ground in a manner that sustained me. Everything has always been wobbly. I wish I could say that this was only in a physical aspect but with most things in my life it encompassed all. My emotional, mental, and physical being has been taxed for years.
It is so incredibly easy to say every night that tomorrow will be the day that I will climb out of this hole and try again, but when day light comes, the blanket of sadness, grief and your pillow of failure keep you captive in a bed you wish you had never made. That is right.. I made this bed, yes the circumstances happened that started this downward spiral through no fault of my own but the reaction to the tragedy was all mine. So here I am 5 years later, fat, tired, old, and wondering if this is even possible (you thought this was going to be some kind of WHOOHOO I got this post didn't you).
Let's just throw it all out there from the start, sometime in the past month or so I agreed to do a Spartan with my kid in the fall, no scratch that.. I agreed to do THREE Spartans. Not so bad right.. I have until the fall. Yup all good, until my heart got the better of me and I decided that doing a half marathon at the end of this month was a great idea. That is right... 25 days before a half marathon I decided HEY LET'S DO THIS!! Keep in mind I have not walked a mile straight other than work in probably 6 months. It was one of those things that I felt was once in a lifetime, a trip with 3 of my favorite people in the world to a place I have never been ... how I can I say no to that right? Not to mention it gives me a light at the end of April's dark ass tunnel. So on Monday I made a plan and this morning at 5:30 am I struck out on my first 3 mile training walk, yes you read that right walk. You see I can't even run right now, like at all. Not until I lose 30 lbs... which by the way is not easy. (more on that tomorrow)
So here I was back on Day 1 starting over .. again .. and what can I say about day one.. it sucked. It was slow and honestly painful (not my feet so much just the rest of me) and I am still sitting here wondering if my idea of doing this was a good one or am I simply going to be the hindrance that my friends are waiting on in the beer tent... wait they will be in the beer tent. They can wait. They will be fine. I need to get out of my head, unfortunately in your head is about the only place one is when they are out there alone in the dark. Either way Day One is over.. I didn't exactly make her my bitch but at least I made her sit up and take notice. Next up... Day Two.
Peace Love, and Miles
Re Run
3 M 229
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